Bring on the conferences!

I've uncovered the existence of the Second International Conference on Self-Healing Materials! (see more info here!) It is being held from June 28-July 1 in Chicago, and I'm really hoping I will be able to go. Keegan and I actually return from our honeymoon on June 28, but I think I should be able to arrive on the 29th and still learn a lot (it is an international conference, so it is pretty long). I'll have to find out if I'll be able to arrive a day late and still be able to check in and everything (I've never been to a big conference like this even though I've presented at several university-sponsored symposiums, so I don't know if you can only check in between certain hours on certain days). Also the abstracts are due on February 5, which is a week from today... so I hope I'll be able to piece something together that is intelligent given that I've only been learning about self-healing polymers for the last 3 weeks.

It will feel fantastic to really have something to work towards now for the short term while I'm still learning to try to put together what will some day be my thesis project. Martha Absher, the woman who organizes the REU that I had at Duke in 2007, is looking for someone in Monty's lab to submit a project proposal so she could possibly pair one of the REU students with one of us. While the post-doc in the lab thinks that either me or the second year student should volunteer a project, I know that I will not have a defined enough idea of what I should be doing to be passing off work to someone else. Plus I know the program is only 8 weeks long and I will be out of town for 2 of those weeks and that for the first 3 weeks of the program I will most likely be frantically planning the rest of the wedding details and having last minute meetings with the florist, photographer, tailors, etc. I would feel really bad wasting the summer of an undergrad that worked so hard to get that REU.

Speaking of Dean Absher, she's being presented with a Community Betterment Award, and I was invited to go to the ceremony! It's a big meal and party at the Washington Duke Inn, which is super-nice and I'm looking forward to it. Too bad I have two midterms that same week, so I'll probably be stressed about how I should be studying rather than at a party...

I don't have class tomorrow! Yay! However, Keegan and I are meeting with the church to pick out the food we would like to have at the reception in the afternoon and I will be working on my review paper readings all day. But at least I don't need to come to campus. There are apparently undergrads coming to tour the lab, but I can't be here because we're going to be at the church. That stinks because it would be nice to meet with some of the potential students who could be joining us next year.

Well, back to the reading! I just wanted to share of the exciting discovery of such a conference. There's a conference for everything!

Homework and exercise and diets, oh my!

Lately I've been trying to get myself into wedding workout mode, but it just ain't working for me. At the end of the spring semester last year I was on a huge fitness kick- running 3-5 miles every day, going to the Absolutions classes offered at NCSU, walking to and from Wolf Village many times per day by avoiding the bus... it was all fantastic for my mood as well as my health. I wanted to look nice for graduation so I could buy a cute dress and proceed to hide it under a giant blob of a gown. But I weighed 118 pounds in May, only 7 months ago, and needless to say I weigh not 118 pounds now. And I'm facing the prospect of wearing a very non-graduation style gown.

But lately I've been having a lot of trouble just sticking to a plan of eating healthier. I allowed myself some wiggle room (aka wide berth) during the holidays because I figured hey, the wedding is still 6 months away. But now it's 4.5 months away and I'm still in holiday mode. I have at least been attending the Body Tone class and Duke, and I still walk to and from my car every day, but that's not really anything aerobic. I've managed to run twice in the past week at the indoor track in the gym, but that's really not going to cut it when I celebrate this awesome fitness by eating a huge cookie from Twinnies.

So on Thursday I started a new Excel file to help me chart what I eat each day; I was also doing that last year to help me keep on track and it seemed to work really well. I'm not eating too much, but what I'm choosing to eat isn't as filling as it could be, nor as nutritious. I used to eat nothing but fresh produce as snacks- cucumbers, green grapes, peppers, bananas, apples... and now I'm eating things like granola bars and pretzels and chips, which aren't all-in-all bad for me, but they contain more calories and are less filling. And since I now live off campus and have to drive in every day, I'm missing out on that cross-campus exercise (although admittedly, the trek from Central Campus carrying textbooks and my computer should be burning a few calories).

So enough about that; I've realized I don't do much in my blog except complain or talk about me, but I'm not really that into discussing world topics via blog. I just don't know that I can logically think about things without having someone face-to-face to talk to.

In other news, Keegan and I picked our wedding bands this weekend, so that was nice :-) Now we just need to buy them and have them sized, but there's really no great rush for that. He's actually out right now with his dad, brothers, and my brother being sized for tuxes, so it'll be nice to have that taken care of too.

The school front is going well- I'm a bit frustrated with Matlab, but I've got some wonderful and patient friends who are helping me learn. I completed my first computer project today and it feels great to have that out of the way. Only 5 more to go! My transport class is interesting and I think will be very relevant to all of my research, but the professor, as nice as he is, kind of just throws stuff on the board and doesn't go in to many details. We have a homework set this week and right now I've completed about 2.5 of 4 problems, but I haven't been thinking too hard about them yet, so we'll see what I can finish when I really put my thoughts in to it.

My friend Emily was baptized today- congratulations to Emily! I'm not sure of any other big developments in the lives of my friends, but baptisms are something to be happy for :-)

I think Duke will be #1 in basketball this week after an embarassing (for the opposing team) 41 point win over Maryland; I was feeling really bad for them by the end of it. At one point it was 60 to 20 which, although is only a 40 point deficit, sounds much worse than 44 to 85, the final score. I know everyone on campus will be anticipating the game versus Wake Forest on Wednesday- I'm not sure that I'll have time to watch it, but that's alright. Maybe I'll sneak in a few minutes; the only minutes the matter are the final ones because it doesn't matter if you're winning during the other 39 minutes if you're losing at the end of the last minute. I'm not really a crazed basketball fan, but when I get into watching something, I'm going to yell and cheer and make obnoxious comments about the other team. For example, last night I watched the UConn versus Notre Dame game, and I was cheering for UConn because I don't like Notre Dame. And for no apparent reason either, I just wanted ND to lose. And Keegan can tell, I had some choice comments about some of the players on the ND team; but why should I even care? It's just infectious I guess. Same deal with the Superbowl- I guess I want the Steelers to win because some of my family is from Pennsylvania, but really I don't care. But watching the game with me you'd think I was a die-hard Steelers fan with a personal stake in the team's stock or something. It's weird.

An update on the previous post:

The roads outside of our complex are perfectly clear :-) Yay! Our front walk is still covered in ice and snow though, since it's never in direct sunlight. However the campus sidewalks were still covered in ice which made for a very, er... a careful and slow walk across campus.

On a totally unrelated note, I think I've decided why I don't like to exercise in the winter. I usually love running but lately I haven't. I believe it's a defensive mechanism- I need all my padding and warmth in the winter. I guess it's a good thing that I'm getting married in the summer then!

Snow days are only for public schools

We got about 5 inches of snow at my townhouse and surrounding areas, but Duke apparently didn't feel the need to cancel any courses or even offer a 2-hour delay. Luckily my professor is smarter than the administrators and canceled class on his own yesterday, but today is when I have my early class (8:45) and I'm extremely concerned about driving to school. There is a solid 2 inches of ice on the roads in our complex from all the slush that was created yesterday freezing overnight (I mean, the low was 16 degrees). But again, Duke doesn't see the need to delay classes. I hate missing classes, but I do not feel safe driving with the roads in this condition; I'm a little concerned my teacher will cancel class right around the time I leave for it so I won't know until I've already left my townhouse and managed to spin my car into a ditch or something. It never snows here and the last time it did, I still drove a Jeep. A much more practical all-weather vehicle than a Pontiac. I would think that Duke is aware that probably half of their students live off campus and not all of us live within a stone's throw of campus.

So that's my rant for today. I'm going to try to go dig my car out of the snow and ice that have piled up all around it.

Invites!

Our wedding invitations arrived today! How exciting! It makes the wedding seem like it's really happening... as if buying a dress, booking a photographer/cake person/florist/hall etc didn't really get me in the wedding mode. But we both like them- they're nice for a simple late spring/early summer wedding that takes place in the afternoon (so they aren't super-formal). We also made an appointment to pick a menu :-) Yay progress!

We have a preliminary list of our wedding guests, but it's pretty patchy on who will actually come and who I should actually invite. Like take Monty and my lab mates for example- exactly how involved do they want to be in my personal life? I could see Heidi maybe coming, seeing as how she's the only girl in the lab and I share an office with her so we can talk more about things not related to school. The other people in the lab are all boys and I'm pretty sure they won't want to come; that's okay though, I like small gatherings, so Keegan and I will be able to spend more time with everyone instead of just the general small talk. But back to Heidi, she's finishing this year and her boyfriend already took a job in New Zealand, so she might already be gone. Of course I want to invite all my new grad student friends, but I'm not even that sure they'd want to come; we go to gym classes and eat dinner together and do parties/girls' nights, but I'm not really sure about the level of friendship there. I really like all of them and I'd like to develop more lasting friendships with all of them, but I'm not sure that I'm really even capable of that. I sort of feel like I'm not really someone that people like to be friends with out of a school setting; that sounds stupid, but it makes sense in here *points to head* I feel like my best friends are people I've already known for a really long time- even the good friends I met in undergrad I don't really talk to anymore. Which is unfortunate, but that happens when we go to industry, grad school, and med school all over the globe; it's difficult to keep up-to-date on everything. It's nice to still have two good friends I've known for a really long time though :-) I'm pretty fortunate.

I had a nice long (almost 2 hour!) chat with Monty today about the direction of the paper and what exactly is meant by doing a review paper. I know I've read an alarming number of them, but when trying to write about an unfamiliar field it's difficult to sort of narrow in on what it is about that field that intrigues me without having to teach myself everything about all the complex portions of the field. We ended up talking about what I'll be working on over the summer and I mentioned that I know I'll be gone a week for the honeymoon, but other than that I'll be around. So that launched an entirely different conversation about our families, his previous grad students, movies we've seen recently, and the economy was even discussed in there somewhere. What I found most interesting was his complete honesty about grad students who are also parents; he talked about how much more accepted it is now to have kids while you're in school than it was when he was a student. He even had one student who had two kids while in grad school and was pregnant with her third when she graduated (in a normal time frame!). I don't think I'll be in the running for the "Most Kids Born While Attending Grad School" award, but it's nice to know he would be supportive. He also mentioned how he finds it more important for the folks in grad school to have kids because the types of parents who should be having lots of kids are those that will teach them to value education and will steer them on the right path. So his advice for me on that front was to "get to work!" Heh :-)

Direction

I've now been to all my classes a few times, and I'm still confident that I'll enjoy (or at least not hate) them. My first Matlab project has been posted for the drug delivery class, so we'll see how happy I am in a few days. But at least that means there will be one homework down, only 5 to go. That's the way to see the silver lining!

I've been thinking a lot lately about why exactly I came to graduate school. I am learning more and reading interesting papers which will hopefully set the groundwork for my research, but that's the thing. I don't really know what my research will be and it's very frustrating to just sort of sit around the lab and do homework and read papers. I know I need to get the framework still, but I really am one of those people that needs a plan, and I'm pretty sure Monty is not that kind of adviser. So we'll see how it goes.

I knew when I applied to grad school that I'd like to be in industry one day and that I wanted to learn more about the ways that cells interact with biomaterials. But those are still very vague concepts considering I just signed over the next 5 years of my life. And "industry" is also extremely vague. I know that I definitely don't want to be in the academic setting, I want to be in the field, where I can actually see what I'm working on. Being in academia you're kind of the bottom of the chain. It will mean more to me conducting research if I can see the final product; I want to see ideas actually become things rather than saying, "Oh yeah, self-healing polymers are cool, but how do they act with the body?" I want to do those things but then actually help design a biomedical implant based on the results of that research. I know that would be a long time scale, but it seems better than being all ADD and starting one thing, and then researching various related areas without actually doing anything with the results.

But that's another thing; I don't really want to do research for my entire life or maybe even at all after I graduate. I wouldn't mind being in the management of a lab or some other area, like a department of BME, because I've got pretty good organizational skills and everything, but I definitely don't want to be hunched over the microscope in a dark room for 6 hours a day or feeding cells at odd hours of the day or something. I have no idea what Ph.D.s really DO I guess is my problem. I know they can do just about anything, but I'm not sure what appeals to me. Really, no idea. Medical devices are neat I guess, I could work with the biomaterials design aspect of some sort of company like that, but I really want the opportunity to advance in the workplace also. I sort of feel like I could have gone straight into industry and might have even had better job security than I will have with a Ph.D.; I feel like those with advanced degrees are the first to go or the last to get hired because it costs more to pay us or because we're too qualified for the job. How can you be too qualified? Where is the cutoff?

I need some direction and I really don't have any. My adviser is not here and it seems like most of the other people I know in the program are perfectly content to do research for their entire lives. So why am I in grad school still? Must be for the money :-P No seriously, I am learning some, but that shouldn't be the only reason I'm here. I'm hoping that when I really get into a project I love that things will go must more smoothly and I'll be happy to be here. Not that I'm not happy, I'm just flailing a little bit I think with no idea what I want. I can't really see myself in any job right now, so I'm missing some aims. Maybe once I determine those I'll be good to go.

Alright, class time.

In the swing of things

My spring semester classes have started up and I think I'm going to really enjoy them. My physiology class only meets through mid-March, then I also have a drug delivery class and a transport phenomena class. And I'm getting 3 hours of credit by writing a review paper that needs to be submitted by June 1, so I'm hoping to finish that before the semester is over, even though we can take longer than that, according to Monty. But then I'll be a real published author, not just published in university journals! Hmm, I wonder if I should submit it under my maiden name? I won't change my name until July after the honeymoon (since I've already booked everything in my name now) but this journal probably won't be published until the end of the year. I'll talk to the people I submit to I guess, since all of my future work will be under my new name.

The only thing that concerns me with this semester is the looming Matlab projects I have in my courses- I'm not a Matlab genius. In fact, I really don't like Matlab. But then again, I don't really have the patience for it and I never had a good instructor for it. Hopefully I'll be able to pick it up again after my 4 year hiatus from using it... and then I"ll be able to teach myself the more complex things I'll most likely need for this coursework.

On the wedding front, our invitations have been ordered and it'll be nice to just have them in my possession even though I won't be mailing them out for awhile. I think they're supposed to arrive the end of the week. I'll have a lot of time to address them all before I send them, that's for sure! I'm proud that I'm coming in slightly under budget for what I predicted for the wedding costs; that's nice because once I see how much of my money I will have remaining after June, I'll be able to start making more financial decisions. Like opening a Roth IRA. And I'll have a better idea about how much I'm saving each month when I'm not shelling out random amounts for wedding dresses and photographers and giant cakes. But it's still very exciting! I like to think I'm not a Bridezilla, at least no one has told me that I am, but I'm glad to be enjoying the experience rather than stressing about it. I'm not one of those girls that's been dreaming about a wedding for my entire life- I'm more focused on the wonderful life I get to have after the "I do". Yes, weddings are beautiful and I'm looking forward to being dressed up, since it happens so rarely, but I hope I'm able to look my best for Keegan :-D

The BME folks came over to our townhouse this past weekend and we played some games and watched a movie. I'm a little concerned that it was lame and no one had fun, but oh well, it's hard to please everyone... Hopefully it wasn't too pathetic. But we'll be together for the next 4+ years, so I'm sure there will be plenty of get-together opportunities.

Well I guess I should finish this homework, sigh. But at least I'm half-finished and it's not too difficult (I'm sure in April I'll be looking back at this and wishing I could still say the same thing...)

2008 in review

Looking back on 2008, it was all-in-all one of my best years. I was able to travel some, my relationship with Keegan grew and evolved, I earned my bachelor's degree, and I moved on to the next phase of my life (which would be graduate school). I thought a little bit about each month of the past year, trying to remember what all happened to me; it's weird how each individual day seems to pass slowly, but the months on whole seem to fly by. I'm sure before I know it, it'll be February and I'll be stressing about different wedding details...

January 2008: At this time all of my grad school applications were in, which is definitely something worth remembering.

February 2008: Around February I started construction on my senior design project with my sweet team; big deal in the grand scheme of my undergraduate education.

March 2008: (And actually February 29) I spent a week in Ecuador working on a house with Habitat for Humanity; what an amazing trip! I've caught the travel bug for sure now, but what I really took from the trip was learning to appreciate all the wonderful things I'm fortunate enough to have and definitely don't need. I'd like to find another program through Duke which does the same sort of international outreach. I'm also pretty sure this was the month I decided to attend Duke for graduate school.

April 2008: Senior design project completed and successfully presented at two symposiums, Honors Capstone project completed, relax for a bit before graduation.

May 2008: This was a big month! I graduated from NCSU, turned 22 years old, and celebrated my two year anniversary with Keegan all over 3 days. Lots of cake was involved. I also took a two week trip to the southwest with my grandparents to celebrate (which was mainly their chance to tell everyone we met that their granddaughter graduated with a 4.0 and was going to Duke for her Ph.D. ...I'm not kidding) and to enjoy the gorgeous scenery and national parks. I spent time in Nevada (Las Vegas), California, Arizona, New Mexico, and Utah.

June 2008: Spent looking for townhouses to move into before the start of classes in August. Also worked ridiculous hours at Target, but that's okay, at least I have a discount and it enabled me to at least earn gas money for the summer.

July 2008: Went to meet most of Keegan's extended family in the Northeast; attended what I refer to as "Brochufest", the huge family reunion held by his dad's side of the family. Spent time in and/or drove through Vermont, New Hampshire, Connecticut, Massachusetts, New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Delaware, Maryland, and Virginia. July 9, 2008: Keegan proposed!

August 2008: Keegan and I moved into the townhouse found through many a search. My graduate classes began. Set wedding date for June 20, 2009.

September 2008: Keegan turned 23! We took our first trip together up to visit my dad in Virginia; Keegan was able to see the Blue Ridge Parkway for the first time. We picked the design of our wedding cake and booked a photographer. We also attended a marriage prep forum required by the Catholic Church; it was very helpful for us and we continue to talk about things brought up at the forum as we prepare for our wedding and life together.

October 2008: Celebrated our first Halloween living together by answering the doors for trick-or-treaters and carving pumpkins. Bought my wedding dress! (!!!)

November 2008: Spent much time at school working on projects.

December 2008: Found florist and selected flower types; I did well on final exams and first semester in grad school but spent two weeks seriously sick and generally not enjoying life. We bought our first Christmas tree together and had fun decorating our house with random things accumulated from relatives, but I'm sure the collection will grow over time. Most likely at an alarming rate.

So all in all a terrific year! Looking back on it, I am surprised to realize that on top of going to Ecuador, I was in 17 states (adding NC and Florida to those previously listed) and I'm confident that 2009 will bring even more excitement.

I know for sure that I'll be in Bermuda in the coming year- we booked/paid for our honeymoon yesterday- I'm so excited! In case anyone is interested, here's where we will be staying for 7 nights :-)

I'm also sure the year will bring many challenges- I think I will enjoy my classes, but it will be time for me to really start delving deeper into what I'd like to focus on for research and to learn about various techniques that I'll need to use. I think I'll be able to work with Heidi some, at least to observe how she works with her animals. I will also start writing my first review paper this semester, so hopefully that will be submitted and accepted for publication sometime throughout the year.

On an unrelated note, I received the Planet Earth DVD collection for Christmas and it is excellent; I certainly recommend it to anyone and everyone. I've only watched 4 episodes (there are 15 total) but I can't wait to watch the rest of them. They are fascinating and offer a lot of behind the scenes info about how the different sections were filmed. I was also given a series called the World's Last Great Places made by National Geographic, so I have no lack of television to watch. It's that travel bug again, that's why I requested all sorts of documentary-type things :-P

Happy New Year! And belated Christmas wishes :-)