Direction

I've now been to all my classes a few times, and I'm still confident that I'll enjoy (or at least not hate) them. My first Matlab project has been posted for the drug delivery class, so we'll see how happy I am in a few days. But at least that means there will be one homework down, only 5 to go. That's the way to see the silver lining!

I've been thinking a lot lately about why exactly I came to graduate school. I am learning more and reading interesting papers which will hopefully set the groundwork for my research, but that's the thing. I don't really know what my research will be and it's very frustrating to just sort of sit around the lab and do homework and read papers. I know I need to get the framework still, but I really am one of those people that needs a plan, and I'm pretty sure Monty is not that kind of adviser. So we'll see how it goes.

I knew when I applied to grad school that I'd like to be in industry one day and that I wanted to learn more about the ways that cells interact with biomaterials. But those are still very vague concepts considering I just signed over the next 5 years of my life. And "industry" is also extremely vague. I know that I definitely don't want to be in the academic setting, I want to be in the field, where I can actually see what I'm working on. Being in academia you're kind of the bottom of the chain. It will mean more to me conducting research if I can see the final product; I want to see ideas actually become things rather than saying, "Oh yeah, self-healing polymers are cool, but how do they act with the body?" I want to do those things but then actually help design a biomedical implant based on the results of that research. I know that would be a long time scale, but it seems better than being all ADD and starting one thing, and then researching various related areas without actually doing anything with the results.

But that's another thing; I don't really want to do research for my entire life or maybe even at all after I graduate. I wouldn't mind being in the management of a lab or some other area, like a department of BME, because I've got pretty good organizational skills and everything, but I definitely don't want to be hunched over the microscope in a dark room for 6 hours a day or feeding cells at odd hours of the day or something. I have no idea what Ph.D.s really DO I guess is my problem. I know they can do just about anything, but I'm not sure what appeals to me. Really, no idea. Medical devices are neat I guess, I could work with the biomaterials design aspect of some sort of company like that, but I really want the opportunity to advance in the workplace also. I sort of feel like I could have gone straight into industry and might have even had better job security than I will have with a Ph.D.; I feel like those with advanced degrees are the first to go or the last to get hired because it costs more to pay us or because we're too qualified for the job. How can you be too qualified? Where is the cutoff?

I need some direction and I really don't have any. My adviser is not here and it seems like most of the other people I know in the program are perfectly content to do research for their entire lives. So why am I in grad school still? Must be for the money :-P No seriously, I am learning some, but that shouldn't be the only reason I'm here. I'm hoping that when I really get into a project I love that things will go must more smoothly and I'll be happy to be here. Not that I'm not happy, I'm just flailing a little bit I think with no idea what I want. I can't really see myself in any job right now, so I'm missing some aims. Maybe once I determine those I'll be good to go.

Alright, class time.