I saw this article in one of my random news searches and I thought it was interesting because I did notice a lot of these things during my first year of marriage.
I think the most interesting one is the 7th point --
"7. THE SHOCK: You won't want to spend every moment with your new husband.
Your spouse may be your best friend, but he won't suddenly become your only friend.
WHAT'S A COUPLE TO DO?
"My husband and I have no problems maintaining individual friendships," says Meghan E., 29, of Richmond, Virginia. "The poor guy shouldn't have to be dragged to every new chick flick simply because he's married to me." She's right. Go out with the girls, and give him nights with his guys. You'll come home and swap stories—and your marriage will be the better for it."
Couples that have to spend every moment together are (in my opinion) absolutely pathetic. There's something fundamentally wrong with your relationship if you have to go on all your errands together, eat lunch together every day, and have all your extra activities together (play on the same sports teams, hang out with all mutual friends, etc). I also think there is something wrong with you if you want to do all those things together. I think the real question in those cases is why can't you spend any time apart? And don't try the "we just love each other so much!" bit because are you honestly going to be a better couple because you watch your husband buy a book or he watches you buy groceries? I think that's a sign of insecurity with the relationship and slight obsession to try to force it so that you're together all the time. What, do you have no friends? Everyone needs private down time, no matter how much you love your spouse. (Or maybe you don't want down time and your spouse secretly does and won't tell you... more food for thought for those couples).
Keegan and I have been married for almost a year and a half now (!!!) and it does bother me a little bit when I go out with friends or something and I'm asked "What, no Keegan tonight?" Since when does being married mean that we can't have our own friends? That's not to say that we don't also have many more nights and weekends where we hang out together on our own, I just don't understand the mentality that married couples can't still be two people. Most annoying are the other judge-y couples who think they are superior because they do spend every waking moment together. Nope, definitely not superior, just sad.
2 comments:
I don't think I know any couples who are together all the time. How can you even know that about someone else unless they document their time for you? Even if you only see a certain person with their spouse that could just mean they consider you a mutual friend and have other friends or activities who are separate. I did a reality check to see if Kyle and I were a Siamese couple but actually I kinda feel like I would like to spend more time together out socially. :) We have a lot of separate activities and some separate friends.
I felt a bit similar to you sometimes in my old small group when a married couple wouldn't attend one week because one of them had a work conflict or one of them wasn't feeling well. I didn't understand why the other wouldn't come, since we were all friends and knew each other pretty well. This fall I've gone to our brand-new small group three times by myself when Kyle was playing IM volleyball so it's not that difficult!
Maybe the people asking about Keegan when you're on your own would have really liked to see him. Or they're trying to make conversation by round-a-boutedly asking what he's up to. Or they just can't think of anything to say so they're playing Captain Obvious. I get annoyed when I get that question if the reason Kyle isn't present is "He'd rather say home and play video games than see you." Can't exactly come out with that one!
Thanks for posting the link to the article, too. I've made several of the same observations in the past few months! Except we totally used our china within like the first month - because we knew if we didn't right away it would never get opened.
Alice this is a great piece and you make excellent observations. Couples who spend all their time together, or partners in a relationship who engineer things to make it almost mandatory to spend all your together, make me wonder. I have my trains, music, work..... shouldn't we all have that sort of diversity in our lives?
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