The season of... receiving?

This year I got SO MUCH STUFF for Christmas! Keegan and I even cut what we decided to spend on each other by a third, and I still feel like I got so many presents I can't even remember what all was involved.

Now, I am thankful that I received all these wonderful things, but I'm also a bit overwhelmed. I am much happier giving thoughtful presents to people and it makes me a little uncomfortable actually when people watch me open presents (other than when it's just me and Keegan). I know they want to see that I like the gift, and I love watching people open what I've given them, but when I look under our tree I'm almost a little ashamed. Some people have nothing for Christmas and yet here I sit with more things than I could possibly dream of asking for. I had like 6 things on my list and all of them were things that I would like to have but nothing that I needed. For example, I really love the show Murder, She Wrote, so I thought, "Hey, I'll put that on my list because otherwise I only have gift cards on here" and I got SIX seasons! I'm really pumped to watch them (I love me some Angela Lansbury... "Good times, she wrote" as Phil Dunphy would say) but at the same time I feel like that money could have been spent in much more rewarding ways. Again, that doesn't mean I didn't want the gifts, because I love them and will enjoy them, but how much do I really need?

When I was growing up, and even now (although regrettably since I started grad school I've slipped a bit and began buying more things just because I want them) I would never buy things for myself. I would agonize over small purchases, like a single movie, and just look at it every time I was in a store without ever buying it. I guess now that I have steady income that is above what I need I figure if I want to buy a season of something or a movie that I "deserve" it. I think this is a really dangerous attitude for myself because I remember at Christmas from my mom and stepdad I would get about 4 presents, usually around $100 in value, and I was always very content with that (and I'm still content with that). But as a kid I was really insensitive to my siblings because I remember coming back from my "second Christmas" with my dad and my grandparents and gloatingly showing off all my Beanie Babies and toys or whatever I got that year. It was never really big, valuable stuff, but as a kid I think the number of gifts was always more impressive than the value. I look back on those times and I feel ashamed. I've tried to make up for that in the past 6-8 years or so, getting them presents I know they'll love and downplaying the things that I have that Keegan or other family members have given me and just generally being less obnoxious. I also try to think of things we can do together that are just fun and don't require spending any money at all.

But joining Keegan's family has also changed that because they give a TON of stuff at Christmas. I would say that they spend at least 5-6 times more on each person than my family does. It's wonderful they're in a position to afford that but I feel like they may be setting their kids up for disappointment when they realize that in the real world you have to work for stuff. It also makes me feel a little sad because I think maybe the kids just don't realize how much their gifts cost and that they are in fact above the "middle class" bracket and have astonishingly more than a huge percentage of the population. I've heard several remarks about the "rich" and "upper class" and I wonder if they realize they're in the group they're commenting on. Keegan seems to have adjusted well to working in the "real world" and having to save for things you want, so I hope his younger siblings are also able to make that transition smoothly. But then again, Keegan has very little that he wants for and I think that's in sharp contrast to some of his family members. I am really happy to be a part of their family now too, and I love them all dearly, but I can't really adjust my mindset to getting so much stuff, easily 3x more than my own family gives me, when I'm happy with a lot less. I guess I don't want to get "poisoned" or whatever and start needing progressively more and more to feel satisfied.

Keegan and I are also concerned with what will happen when we have a baby. We would like to set up a college fund for the baby(ies) that would be open for everyone to contribute to because, especially with the first grandbaby on both sides, and with my parents being divorced, there is going to be a crazy amount of toys and clothing given to us when in reality one toy from each source would give the kid 5 or 6 toys, and that is more than enough at a time.

For example, this Christmas I got 35-40 individual items and that's crazy to me! I'm worried that I don't mind getting so many gifts enough to tell people to stop giving things to me, but I also feel like there's no harm in getting all this stuff. But there is a little bit. I don't want to raise our kids valuing the wrong things and I'm worried that there will be several sources from which our kids will not learn by good example. Hmm, I guess maybe I won't have to cross that bridge for awhile though....